Response to Cole's "Status Quo"

Cole-

This story is about a very analytical character who is always observing rather than forming friendships with people, and how he falls into a bit of a rougher crowd and begins doing drugs. The ending is rather ominous, because the narrator is finally a lot calmer and has been accepted. However, he's still trying to "camouflage my naivete", so the readers are unsure if the acceptance he feels is authentic. Also, the narrator himself is uncomfortable at first. On pg. 7, his head is spinning and his heartbeat is rapid.

As far as things I really liked about this story, there were some really clever comparisons. I appreciated the image of the buzzing hive of bees, and how it was brought back by the "buzz buzz" again and again. It gave the story a lot of unity and continuity, and made the shift at the end especially clear. I liked Philip's voice, especially when he is introduced on pg. 3. Also, the diction on p. 5 was especially effective in bringing out the analytical role of the narrator. The phrases "take a sample" and "natural habitat" turned him into a researcher. I would like to see a little bit more of that diction throughout the piece, especially in the beginning when he is wearing blue or wearing winter clothes. Finally, I love the Jane Goodall reference, too.

As far as suggestions go, I would like to see more of Dave. At this point, I'm not entirely sure what to think of him. He's the narrator's best friend but obviously they aren't very close. It's not clear to me, though, if Dave really doesn't care about Jake that much or if he's just afraid how that would label him socially. Maybe make that a little more clear. Also, on pg. 3 "the kid who sat in front of me and was always getting in trouble", is that Philip? If it is, make it really clear when he turns around and talks to Jake that it's the same guy Jake was just thinking about, because I thought of it as a different guy at first. Or make it clear that this memory and the present are taking place in the same classroom, because I just assumed it was a different classroom and therefore a different kid. Also, it might would be a little bit more helpful if we knew a bit more about the narrator and why he has such a hard time relating to people. What is his family like? Does he have siblings? Why do his parents let him wear outrageous clothes to school? Are they just not there?

Thanks for writing! I really enjoyed it.

-CK