Response to Matt's "Series of Omissions"

First of all Matt, I want to extract a promise from you that I'll see your name in print under the title of a novel or collection of short stories some day. Because your stuff is great. Secondly, you made me cry in the middle of class when I was supposed to be listening to a lecture. I was reading your story instead. My friend leaned over and said, "Oh no, what's wrong? Are you okay?" And I told her, "I'm fine, it's just this story..." So I made her read it, too, and then we were both sitting there teary-eyed.

So, this story is about the death of Norman O'Connor and the mess he left behind. It depicts his relationship with his family mostly, and explores both the great qualities of the man and heartfelt moments as well as his faults and mistakes. It discusses how his family will remember him and how he wasn't perfect.

Things I loved: the details you give are so powerful and effective. The rented suits of the sons on pg. 2, the way you casually mentioned Norman being diagnosed on the same page, the degree in Music of the daughter (same pg.): these are the things that make it seem so authentic. Also, you made Norman so three-dimensional. You include a great balance of good and bad aspects of his character. He's not a perfect character, his life is not romanticized because of his death. But you acknowledge the tender moments, too, when he shows that he really loves his family. Anyway, that also made it feel very real. It was something I could relate to. So good job. And the potted cactus on pg. 3. That whole paragraph, really, was super effective.

As far as improvements go, there were a couple very minor issues you will want to edit. For example, Norman has two sons in the first paragraph and a single son in the second. The beginning of the second paragraph felt a little repetitive since you had just listed "wife, daughter, sons" for us before. Maybe you should save that information for the second paragraph, and instead describe the place where he died in your first sentence. In his home, in the hospital, in his sleep, etc. Or maybe his age. On pg. 2 there were a couple minor typos (2nd paragraph, second line, "just like the one she'd had" you left out "she'd", and second to last line on that page "her time he with", omit 'he'). And finally on the last page I felt like it should be "when their parents aren't looking", in the present tense instead of the past, but that one I'm not sure about. We'll talk about it in class, I'm sure.

Also, I didn't understand the title, and it gives me the vague suspicion that I'm missing some entirely different aspect of your story that is important. Am I?

That's all. :)