Response to Molly's "Chase"

Dear Molly,

This story is about a girl who is bitter after getting herpes from her ex-boyfriend, and it contrasts how each has reacted to the disease.

There was so much about this story that was super effective. I love how you used the image of the zombie from the tattoo place and brought it back at the end. It made it super powerful. Also, the detail about the dying snake and how that was tied in at the end was awesome. It gave a lot of character to Chase and to Caroline. She's the kind of girl who would like a pet snake, and he's the kind of guy who will buy the cheapest one available. There were also a couple descriptions that really hit home, such as calling the twins Teletubbies on pg. 2, the red heart shapes on Chases's neck as described on pg. 1, and the "swallows of trans fat" on pg. 4. All of these were awesome.

As far as suggestions go, there were a couple of sentences or phrases at seemed unnecessarily ambiguous to me. For example, "new blonde waitress" on pg. 1 means that she is newly a waitress or newly blond? Also, on pg. 2 I wasn't sure who said "he's a girlfriend guy". And what does that mean? Did you mean a good boyfriend guy? Also on pg. 2, does the phrase "I like boring you" mean she likes making him bored or likes him better when he is boring? Finally, the transition from the tattoo parlor back to the cheap burger joint on pg. 6 was a little too abrupt for me. It could easily be remedied by a literal space in the text, or some kind of verbal transition to bring us back to the present.

Thanks for writing!

Sincerely,

CK