Hi, Alyson.
The story centers around Jenny, who doesn't fit in very well. She rejects the world of fashion that the girls around her are obsessed with. This story addresses the idea of young girls trying to be much older than they are. There is also a secondary theme addressing hypocrisy at the church camp
So there were lots of things about this story that worked really well. For instance, describing the smell of the lake as a mixture of 'dead fish, water, and gasoline' was very effective, if gross. I also really liked Connor's mutters about "being sorry and naked or nakedly sorry" on pg. 7. You also do a very good job of distinguishing between your narrator and these other girls. The second page is particularly telling.
As far as suggestions go, I feel like there are two many characters. Chandler and Jenna are obviously important, and Connor is essential to the plot. Right now, Jeremy and Miss Caroline don't seem to serve a large function as far as action goes. Their characters provide great social commentary, but maybe they should be incorporated into the plot just a little bit more. Also, Hannah and Lauren and Mary don't seem important at all, and they just distract from the substance of the story. I couldn't even remember who Morgan was by the time I got to page. I would suggest merging some of the extra girls and focusing on the girls who are important to the plot.
Also, it might would help to give a little bit of a greater sense of setting earlier on in your story. I wish I knew their ages on pg. 1, for example. Also, your narrator is so detached, at times to the point where I felt a little bit pushed away by her. The line "I was fascinated" on pg. 7 seemed especially calloused to me. Maybe if you included moments of vulnerability of the narrator, the detachment of the narrator wouldn't strike me as so harsh. For example, I feel like you could expand the scene with Jeremy on pg. 5 and add greater emotional stakes for the narrator.
Thanks for writing!
CK
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