Response to Robert's "Jenson's Day"

Dear Robert,

This is a story following a man named Jenson through his day.

Some things that really worked are the comparison of the girl to a cat, and the characterization of Jenson through his interactions with her. Also the details about the boss on pg. 2 were great. They told the readers so much through such little detail. Also, it amuses me how the characters don't seem to get each other that much. Jenson makes the joke that his boss doesn't get, his boss seems to think the people on the TV are real, Jenson's job description doesn't match his actual job, the woman with the crazy cat hair is commenting on Snookie's hair when maybe she should be commenting on her outfit, Jenson refers to the woman who is maybe his girlfriend as "the cat". The characters seem to miss the obvious and to have difficulty relating. The humor in this is highly amusing.

As far as suggestions go, I guess I'm not sure what the actual story is. Does anything change? Is the point that nothing changes and the days pass meaninglessly? If that's the point, maybe it would be good to have the character meditate on that a little bit. If the point is the inability of the characters to relate to each other, I would create greater conflict or somehow draw more attention to that. I think it would help to tie in the scenes with the boss and the scenes with the girl by having some similar issue of misunderstanding that allows the reader to feel that this piece is one whole unit.

Good job, Robert! You packed a lot into a short space.

Sincerely,

CK