Response to Alyson's "Swiss Cheese"

Hey, Alyson. (I always want to spell your name with two l's...)

So this story was about an intern at a hospital having to trying to save the life of a patient who doesn't want to live. Brett finds out that this man was a murderer, and really has no regrets. He just wants to end his own life instead of facing capital punishment. In the end, she gives the man the information he needs to end his life for real this time. In a way, she is assisting a suicide.

There were some things that worked really well in this story. You had some great descriptions of things that made me cringe inside. For example, the comparison of caffeine to a snake on pg. 2 was great. The dialogue snippets on pg. 3 describing the medical condition of the man really got to me. And the whole flashback to the mom's death was really effective, too, I thought. I also liked the bit about the "chute", and how that came back. That was a good image.

As far as suggestions go, the bananas may have been a bit too much for me. Maybe since the "chute" image was repeated and the swiss cheese image, the bananas were over the top. Also, if you're going to keep them, then please make it clearer in the very first paragraph what's going on because I got so confused on the first page. Also, I'm a little bit confused about Brett's motivations at the end of the story. Is she helping the man commit suicide because in a way she's responsible for his death and so she's exacting revenge sort've kind've? Or has she forgiven her mother's attacker, and so has sympathy on this deranged creature with no remorse for his wrongdoings? I guess I don't understand why she decides to point out that he could easily end his own life then.

Kay, that's all. Thanks for writing!